i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
