I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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