she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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