It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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