my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
