I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
