If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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