i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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