apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
