Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
