My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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