someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
