I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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