i just google imaged poop.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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