take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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