she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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