my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
