are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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