the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
