Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
