No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
