It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
