someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
