you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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