I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
