my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
