I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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