You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
