he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
