I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
