ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think I just sharted jello shots
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
