Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
