watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
