she looked like the before picture.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
