I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
