He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
