1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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