my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
