I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
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There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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