You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
