and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it glows. i had to have it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
