how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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