i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
