Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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