oh god the rape fog is back!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
