She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
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I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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