Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
