90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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