My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
