you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
