You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
