Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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