Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
