More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
