Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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