Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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