He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
