The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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