Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
