and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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