my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
