Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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