we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
