I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize