Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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