Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
