last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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