Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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