It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
