I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
